Suffocation
by Justin Bieber loves you
Summary: Kyon has alot going on in his life. One day he might just break down.....
1. Suffocation

What does it feel like, waking up and feeling like you aren't yourself? What does it feel like to hurt inside, then just let it all out? What about the times you just look up at the ceiling and say "Why me?"

What is my escape? I don't own an escape, for I am a slave to whatever runs this place called home. Called Earth. Called the universe. Nobody knows what the heck is out there, so why should I care. What does it matter if it is destroyed? I wouldn't be there to see it. Well, actually I would, so in another instance I am automatically a slave to it. Again, am I that important. Wake me up, I must be freakin' dreaming. But I know I'm not. Even my dreams are real. And now THIS has to happen! Lovely. My life is so wonderful. It hurts to even mention the word "wonderful" any more because nothing is. Nothing is wonderful. Just another blip on the map of this wide world universe that I cannot stand. I wish, just wish, I could create my own universe. Maybe then, then I could prove it. To prove that I am going insane. Somebody needs to help me.

Icantkeepmyselfundercontrol

I'm suffocating, what is happening to me. Kyon never goes insane. He doesn't sound like this. Act like yourself. Calm down.

Thereisnouseintrying

Deep breaths. This isn't like you

Don'tlistentothem

Who are those voices? I really am going insane! Am I paranoid? I need committed before these voices tell me to kill someone.

Justgiveup

Don't give up

Allhopeislost

You can wake up now


	2. Acquaintance

There was sweat dripping from my brow and I was on the ground. I was shivering, because the blanket had fallen off me. All that…just a dream? Isn't that what it….I have nothing to say.

I monochromatically got ready for school, then started walking towards the school building. There was no real need to ride my bike. And then there was the hill. I slowly dragged my lagging body up stair-by-stair until a deep pressure built up in my chest and I sat down, right in the middle of the walkway. A girl ran quickly beside me and stopped, looking down. She said nothing, and then walked away.

Nobodycaresaboutyou

The voices. They weren't a dream. All I have to do is ignore them.

Youcannotignoreme

Just ignore them

Youwillneverwinthisbattle

"Goddammit leave me alone!"

It took me awhile to realize that people were staring at me and I had said that out loud. This was going to take some major getting used to…being insane. But, then again, I may have been insane all along.

"You have been"

Everything became dark after that. Before I knew it, I was lying on a bench, a too familiar bench, and it was nighttime. Wait..what about school?!

The figure turned around to face me. It was a she. She had long black hair, and her face was extremely fair. She was a striking beauty, and she looked back at me with almost diamond eyes.

"You have been insane all along, you know?" She said with a soft, wispy tone. Her voice was almost monotone, but had the slightest inch of expression. It also had a sense of trust to it, and I didn't know why. Though the words out of her mouth were pleading I was insane, she sounded sincere and truthful.

I just stared blankly at her, as she did me. I had nothing to say. I might not even know the words coming out of my mouth with the state I'm in.

"Can you not hear me? I honestly do think you require prolonged observation. You are an interesting subject. May I call you Kyon? It will make us more commune."

What?! What is she? Is she an alien, or Data Interface Human whatever like Nagato is? She said observation…but what if she is Sky Canopy Domain? No, she is too exceptional. No Sky Canopy Domain interface would be able to shape a sentence like that. Or maybe she is just....

Hahahaha You have noo idea what's going on, doo you???? Kyon doesn't even sound like Kyon does he??????? And who is this freaky chick that Kyon is getting a hard-on from lololol

Oh yeahh, just a funny thing… I posted a picture of Haruhi biting Mikuru's ear on Facebook and my friend, who has never seen or found interest in any anime, said about the picture "lollolol kill it. Hahahaha oom nom nomm jkjkjk"

That was sorta funny.

Don't give up on me yet. I love you all. Keep reading, and comment ideas, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!


	3. Reaction

What the f- why do I keep doing that? Haruhi, if it's one thing or another. How hard is it just to be happy?

Hey, wait, I feel normal (as can be, really) again? Am I talking alright? Think clearly Kyon.

Long black hair, pale skin…who was that? Was that just a hallucination? Was she real, or just manifested out of my freakish thoughts? Somehow I need to find out. Umm…I'm not even going to ask Koizumi. He'll do one of those creepy smiles then give me a smart ass explanation. I'll…why didn't I think of this, I'll just ask Nagato. She's always got a solution.

Class went as usual and after school I ran into the SOS Brigade room. Nagato was the only one in the room, sitting in her usual chair reading. I closed the door and sat down.

"Yo, Nagato." I said

"…"

Of course. "I have a little problem. I don't know how to describe it, really."

"…I see."

Facepalm. "Um…well, there is this girl… she approached me when I fell. I was on the…stairs on the way to school, and I fell, and blacked out. I was actually on a bench when she saw me. She had…long black hair, and extremely pale skin. Does that…umm…ring a bell?"

She looked at me, then closed her book. " I did not think this would happen so soon."

Long sentence. That's an achievement, Nagato. But…what do you mean you didn't think it would happen so soon?

"The girl you saw was not real. She was merely a fabrication of your distressed thoughts. When you encountered her, she was solely a speculation of your conception."

What? "So, are you trying to say that I'm insane?"

"She is not a presently existing entity."

That didn't answer my question.

"She was a figment of your imagination."

So I was hallucinating. "So, what should I do about it? Like, it was just a dream. So what if it comes back?"

"Forget about it" Nagato said that, then walked out of the room. It looked like she was nervous. I mean, you can never really tell with Nagato, but she rushed out of the room after saying 'Forget about it'. I wonder what's going on. And what does it have to do with Nagato?

Kyon is back to the old Kyon! Yayyy, scream and shout, rite? Well,,maybe not… and what about Yuki?? What's up with her???

Keep reading to find out. Many more character changes to come. Hint hint lol just keep reading, and review with constructive criticism.


	4. Feelings

So she was all a dream? Kyon, you need to revise your life. Maybe get into a healthy relationship, get some normal friends, stop getting yourself into trouble. But I can't just stop. I have the universe on the line. And…Adam and Eve. Ohh,, I do not want to get into that at all. Dammit Koizumi. I don't know if I'm living in fear or in agony. But maybe I sorta like it. Being around the brigade everyday. When I was in that alternate universe, I missed Haruhi. Though I did like the alternate universe Nagato, I missed Haruhi. I missed us all being together. I missed all the adventures we had. But do I really like all this supernatural crap? Aren't those all just things of my childish past? Maybe I just need to move on. Ifwhen the universe ends, maybe I wont have to be in closed space and I'll just die along with the rest of the universe. We all know that couldn't happen. Haruhi can have whatever she wants. Does she want me? Well, I don't want her. I will not be forced to love anyone!

She is beautiful…Haruhi. Her hair flows ever so beautifully, especially when it's in a ponytail. But she is too ecstatic..just no. If perkiness were a disease, she'd be terminal. I just couldn't stand being with her. But then again, at the end of every day I am lead to a question. I don't know if it's her who is making me ask this question, or if it is just me and my inner feelings coming out, but I always think of this.

What are my feelings for Haruhi Suzumiya?


End file.
